I am tired and I haven’t even started chemo, I am emotionally numb, worn out, and tired of the questions, the opinions, and everyone else who is having a “bad day”. Its not fair that I have to do this, I just want to live my life, but I have cancer, or cancer has me. And it won’t go away. So I join to ranks of the amazing people who fearfully and fearlessly let doctors and nurses pump poison through their veins, and shoot radiation through their skin. Its not what they asked for, its not what they set out to do with their life, but like me, it is now what they have to do to live.
I don’t want to die, but getting ready for the fight is tough. Passing on activities is tough, acting like my life is great, is really tough, and the truth is most people don’t care. Or they don’t know, they think you are amazing, but when you leave, say under there breath how grateful they are that they don’t have to do what you are doing. They may hate the life they are living, but when it comes to cancer they run.
They will fight for breast cancer, cause who doesn’t love pink or breasts. Well I don’t love pink and don’t love breasts. I loved my ovaries, I loved the thought of having kids, now I just want to cry because I will never know what it feels like to have a child of my own. Yes I may have children someday, but it will not be without therapy, and plans “in case I die”.
This was not suppose to happen to me, but it did, and it happens to so many others. So many others who are younger than me, so many older than me. Too Many!