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tired

I am tired and I haven’t even started chemo, I am emotionally numb, worn out, and tired of the questions, the opinions, and everyone else who is having a “bad day”. Its not fair that I have to do this, I just want to live my life, but I have cancer, or cancer has me. And it won’t go away. So I join to ranks of the amazing people who fearfully and fearlessly let doctors and nurses pump poison through their veins, and shoot radiation through their skin. Its not what they asked for, its not what they set out to do with their life, but like me, it is now what they have to do to live.

I don’t want to die, but getting ready for the fight is tough. Passing on activities is tough, acting like my life is great, is really tough, and the truth is most people don’t care. Or they don’t know, they think you are amazing, but when you leave, say under there breath how grateful they are that they don’t have to do what you are doing. They may hate the life they are living, but when it comes to cancer they run.

They will fight for breast cancer, cause who doesn’t love pink or breasts. Well I don’t love pink and don’t love breasts. I loved my ovaries, I loved the thought of having kids, now I just want to cry because I will never know what it feels like to have a child of my own. Yes I may have children someday, but it will not be without therapy, and plans “in case I die”.

This was not suppose to happen to me, but it did, and it happens to so many others. So many others who are younger than me, so many older than me. Too Many!

Pink

So I might loose some people because of this post but I really just want to get it off my chest.

Here I go:

Breast Cancer is not the only Fucking cancer in the world! I am sick and tired of PINK shit EVERYWHERE!! Yes breast cancer is a terrible cancer, but ALL yes ALL cancers deserve the same amount of research funding and awareness. And I am saying these things as a woman, and as some one who has two relatives who have survived breast cancer. But really, really enough with the pink. I was searching for just “cancer awareness” ribbons or items and I was harassed with pink. Enough. Oh and it really pisses me off when there is Pink shit getting sold in September when TEAL should be fucking EVERYWHERE! GURRRRR.

That being said I wish all cancers had the same awareness as breast. Did you know that ovarian cancer is most often found in the late stages because there is no test to find and prevent it. That means more women will die because the cancer wasn’t found until it was too late. I push ovarian cancer awareness because it is what i will most likely die from, and I want no one to have to go through that. I don’t want another mother, father, sisters, brothers, husband, children, wife to loose someone they love to cancer. 

So I am sorry if I have offended you. If you have breast cancer it is nothing against you, many of you have more fight and strength than I do, but it is the pink and the Susan G. Komen foundation that bothers me. It is the lack of attention to other cancers that desperately need the funds more than breast cancer. We have a test to detect breast cancer, but for others we don’t and I think to find a cure we need to check and prevent cancer before it can happen.

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